| This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24 |
Although last night was the roughest night I've had as far as physical pain is concerned, NO amount of pain could smother my joyful excitement from the great news yesterday-NO CANCER outside the breast. My fervent prayer was just that, and God answered. I truly believe I have experienced a healing miracle by God. Pastor Helen has prayed over me specifically for that, and Pastor John and the entire church prayed over me a few weeks ago for complete removal of the cancer from my body. Well, BB's…there really is no other explanation as far as I'm concerned. There were no cancer cells found in my lymph nodes, no cancer cells (or even pre-cancer cells-whatever they are?) in the suspicious area surrounding my tumor, and, the most amazing clincher that God had a hand in this: the 7 mm intermediate growing, invasive, ductal carcinoma tumor (not slow growing, likes to leave the breast and get the body, milk duct cancer tumor) was SMALLER than what it was originally! There really is no other explanation than-IT'S A GOD THING!
God has been beside me every step of this journey, and I believe he will continue to hold my hand through the radiation and/or whatever further treatment I will endure. If I've gleaned one very important tool for life through these prior 50 days, it is that I need to let go of my self-will and leave the "worrying" to Him. It has never been more clear to me than during these past weeks, how my own self will is at the root of all of my worrying. I am known as the "family worry queen", (well…that would be after my Mother, and Sister, of course!:) But, I think after my recent experience, I'll be passing that torch on to my daughter. (sorry, Jill, I hope it doesn't take you 60 years to "get it") I have mentioned often about my "claiming" Philippians 4:6 as my own. I still do. I know that I will need that verse again, probably often times, throughout the remainder of my days here on this side of Heaven. And, how grateful I am that I can! Those twenty-one words sustained me throughout the toughest days of my life. They pulled me out of the dungeons of darkness and hopelessness up into the light of our Heavenly Father. Twenty one words saved me, again and again, and again. And isn't that exactly what we are called to do?
A friend of mine once gave such a great description of who we are as Christians. She explained how she was a living sacrifice to Jesus Christ, and even though she keeps falling off the altar, she continues to crawl back up! I really love that analogy-it fits me to a tee! Life goes along so great-in fact it wasn't more than a couple months ago that I was sharing with Jack how my life is so great. It just can't get any better. And then-BOOM! Just like that, in the blink of an eye, my entire life and world as I knew it was turned upside down and would never, ever be the same again. I've been living my life as my friend explained-falling off the altar continually-and when I walked out of the clinic 50 days ago, I was scrambling back up, like a cat up a tree running from Daisy. I've been praying for sometime now that I would be more vigilant in my Bible reading and study, and getting closer to Christ. Well, that prayer was answered, too. Nothing like death staring you in the face to get you up close and personal with Jesus!
So, as it turned out, I've received so much goodness throughout all of this "badness" these past weeks. I've improved (trust me, it's a work in progress) on my worrying/self-will, (Philippians 4:6) I've become closer to the Lord-through prayer and meditation AND the youversion app on my iphone/daily devotions and reading the Bible in a year. (it's awesome-check it out! Once connected, you CAN'T put it aside for another day-it continues to beep at you until you READ IT!;) And, even though I've always thought of myself as the epitome of a person who "stops and smells the roses", I now spend HOURS sniffing! Life is so much more precious to me than it ever was before. Those of you who have walked this thorn filled path with me or held someone's hand who did, have a pretty good idea of what I'm talking about.
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ONE DAY AT A TIME . . .
I will keep my thoughts in the present, for God will take care of tomorrow.
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Now, if I can get my armpit to stop hurting (patience) and make it through the shower without passing out (healing), and learn to take these hot flashes with a grain of salt-or more showers! (deodorant), I will be ready to move on and do whatever it is God has in store for me. Obviously he is expecting some pretty hard work from me, since I won't be dealing with the sickness and exhaustion of chemo. (THANK YOU, GOD!)
I plan to work on that worry stuff more, and let go and let God! One thing I can do, is continue to post on this blog every day! And that, I intend to do. So, for those of you who really don't care to read my gibberish, you know the rule: Take what you want and leave the rest!
Do not be anxious for tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself.
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